2017 was a doozy, right? I mean, publicly, socially and politically a LOT of crap went down and most days my Twitter feed was filled with only two things: heartache or adorable dog videos. I either felt like throwing up or adopting a puppy. I don’t need to run through the complete list of political scandals, racially charged crimes, near-apocalyptic natural disasters, sexual harassment accusations and domestic terrorism, we all lived—and some of us suffered—through it. A lot of dumpster fires raged through the US and the world. And honestly I don’t think 2018 is going to get much better.
I make a candle in the shape of a dumpster (read the story behind its creation here) so I am acutely aware of real-life dumpster fires. I really try to make light of most dumpster fires because humor comforts me, but unfortunately there’s very little humor in some of them. In 2018 I’m going to identify my “TOP THREE DUMPSTER FIRES OF THE MONTH.” Each month, I’ll look at the previous month and choose some dumpster fires that were either too brightly burning to ignore or spoke to me personally.
AND NOW, MY TOP THREE DUMPSTER FIRES OF JANUARY 2018:
- The Flu. Err’body got it. All my friends, all my family members, all my coworkers. I bet you had it. Alright maybe it wasn’t EXACTLY the flu, but people got messed up. I got sick three times in five weeks. It was total bullshit.
- Cleveland Browns end season 0-16. OK so technically this happened in December, but since playoff football was played in January, I’m giving this one a pass. Welcome to the elite group of a winless NFL season! You now hold court with the 1960 Cowboys, 1976 Buccaneers, 1982 Baltimore Colts and the 2008 Lions. Hey dawg pound, I truly feel your pain… I’m a die hard Lions fan. But for real, I look forward to making you another Top 3 Dumpster Fire in April after you muck up your draft picks again (Mayfield would look tight in a Browns jersey, though). Seriously Cleveland you don’t even deserve to have an NFL team anymore. Shoutout to my boy Keith who is a Browns fan and runs the podcast Cleveland Browns Dumpster Fire (@CLEDumpsterFire) and bought a bunch of my orange candles as giveaways for his show.
- Michigan State University. Damn. Larry Nassar was like that tenant you allowed to rent your house and he brought like 428 cats with him and he totally fucked your shit up. I won’t pretend to know all the intricate details of his case and his association with MSU and the leaders/staff/faculty who covered it up, but Sparty, you done messed up. In a country where nearly everyone has developed a severe allergy to accountability, this is going to be a mess to untangle. Yeah, I feel bad for all the innocent student-athletes, students, faculty, staff, alumni and fans who will feel punished, but the real losers here are the victims. They, and their families, are forever changed. May Larry Nassar rot in hell or at least his prison cell. Props to all the journalists who uncovered and courageously reported all the heinous behavior.